Our Moment is Now
by RainIsMyFavouriteColour
Summary: Based on and inspired by 'All About Us' by He Is We featuring Owl City. T for mature themes: terminal illness. Eijun and Kazuya have achieved their dreams and now play baseball on a professional level. They're in a relationship, they live together and things really couldn't be any better. But then something unexpected happens that turns their world upside down.
1. Would you let me lead?

**Would you let me lead? (Lovers dance when they're feeling in love)**

 _Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance_

 _I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down_

 _Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet_

 _Give it a try, it'll be alright_

' _Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love_

 _Spotlight's shining_

 _It's all about us_

 _It's all_

 _About us_

 _And every heart in the room will melt_

 _This is a feeling I've never felt_

 _But it's all about us_

* * *

He stares out the window, watching the trees outside sway lightly in the wind. The sunlight falls through the foliage to paint golden specks on the ground; tiny dust particles swirl in the rich, yellow beams of light. He wishes he could feel their warmth on his skin. He wishes he could feel warm at all. He has been feeling nothing but cold for too long.

It's cold inside the room too, despite the blanket spread across his legs. His partially bare arms shiver, his hands linked on his lap, hiding their trembling. A soft beeping comes from a monitor beside his bed, breaking the silence rhythmically. He isn't listening. He might be in the room physically, but his mind is far away.

Eijun didn't remember when he first started to have romantic feelings for Seidou's first catcher, when they changed from annoyance, tolerance and tentative friendship to a crush. He can only recall the time when he realised he even had feelings for him. And he still didn't know if maybe they had been like that all along.

It was halfway through Eijun's third year during a self-imposed dancing lesson.

"You said you'd teach me how to dance, asshole!"

Kazuya blew a strand of hair out of his face in irritation. He gripped Eijun's hands and placed one back on his shoulder while he held on to the other with his own hand. Or at least he tried to. It wasn't easy when Sawamura once again stepped backward to try and put some distance between them which in turn caused him to let go of Kazuya.

"I am teaching you to dance, bakamura." Miyuki told him, sounding quite annoyed as he yanked Sawamura toward him. Unlike his attitude right now, the way he took Eijun's hands and positioned them was gentle. "You should be grateful I'm making time for you."

Eijun didn't retort though his eyes flashed in equal annoyance. He could feel his face heating up at their close proximity; they were literally chest to chest, causing their faces to be uncomfortably close. He was much too aware of Miyuki's body heat radiating through the material of their thin shirts. The scent of his cologne surrounded Eijun, as well as a note of something underneath that was solely Miyuki. All of this made it harder to breathe and his heart beat faster for no reason.

It was weird and annoying, just like Miyuki.

"Just get on with it, then!" he replied, maybe a bit too sharply. But he couldn't help it, he felt embarrassed out of all things, not just for having to ask Miyuki for help but also because of this – this strange situation. Eijun stared at the hand he was offered, then back at the glasses-wearing asshole. "What?"

"Take my hand, idiot." Kazuya sighed, trying his best to not just drop Sawamura right then and there. "It's kind of required for a partner dance."

Eijun had nothing to say to that, so he took the hand grudgingly. "Do we have to stand so close? And why am I dancing the girl's part?"

"Yes." Kazuya answered tersely, but allowed himself a small smirk at the growing redness on Sawamura's face. He nudged his foot, making him take the first step. "And because you're still a bit shorter than me and I'm your senpai. Why did you ask me to teach you this anyway?"

"My cousin's getting married soon." Eijun replied, eyes firmly fixed on their moving feet in an effort not to step on Miyuki. "She said there's going to be a lot of western style partner dancing and I don't know how. She also said she's forcing everyone to dance. So when I tried to figure out how to, I heard from Kuramochi-senpai that you know some dances."

During the explanation, Eijun's eyes had slowly drifted upward to look back at Miyuki. Time seemed to still as their eyes locked, the playlist Miyuki had put on completely ignored.

Eijun's heart gave out, seeming to stop for a moment before picking up its pace at more than double the speed. A sudden weight dropped into his stomach – no, not dropped, punched. He yelped at the sudden tugging and falling sensations, jumping backwards and managing to step on Miyuki's foot in the process.

"Ouch!" Miyuki shouted, hopping on his uninjured foot. He glared the stunned boy in front of him. "What was that for?"

"I..uh..I'm really sorry!" Eijun squeaked, gathering up his things before running toward the exit. "Thanks for the lesson!"

A ghost of a smile appears on his face. Back then, he was so naïve and young. It's funny how much can change in just a few short years.

"Sawamura-san?"

He turns at the sound of the doctor's voice. Kuramochi, a doctor in training now, stands behind his mentor, a grim look on his face. Kazuya is standing just a bit off to the side, the reflection on his glasses hiding his eyes.

As absurd and inappropriate as it is, Eijun wants to laugh. Everyone looks so serious…the team he knows is only serious about one thing and that's baseball. They're the silliest and best people, friends, he knows. They're not serious. Not off the field.

Not…in a hospital room.

Eijun's hands clench into his blanket, knuckles turning white. He knows this is bad. The way he suddenly collapsed on the field in the middle of a game and had to be rushed off in an ambulance. How he woke up in a sterile white room, an irritating beeping in his ear and a needle in his arm. His constant sense of fatigue and annoyingly insistent dull ache in his bones lately, the sudden weight loss even though he kept the eating habits he had in Seidou... but even so, there's a million possible things that could be wrong with him. Things that aren't serious.

"Sawamura-san, we ran some blood tests. They…don't look good." the doctor finally speaks, coming up beside the bed. Kuramochi is right beside him. "I'm afraid you'll have to take some time off work."

"I can't." Eijun says automatically, not looking at the doctor as he tries to make eye contact with Kazuya, who still hasn't come any closer. He doesn't look up. Why won't he look at him? "If we didn't lose this game, the next one is really important and we don't have much time –"

"Eijun."

All three of the room's occupants look at Kazuya. Eijun would be relieved to hear him speak if he didn't sound and look so blank. Bleak. He can finally see his eyes but they're closed off.

"The team…they can do without you. You're sick."

"What are you saying? You know that's never stopped me before." Eijun blabbers, ignoring the sting in his chest at Kazuya's words. He turns to Kuramochi, uncharacteristically silent, frowning deeply. The graveness of the situation is starting to sink in, but Eijun pushes on, pleading, "Senpai, please! Tell them, tell them I can play, I'll be fine in a bit – "

"I can't." Kuramochi cuts him off, laying a hand on his shoulder. He tries not to flinch at how he can start to feel the bone poking through the well-honed muscle. "Sawamura, you have to listen."

Eijun is shaking his head childishly; he doesn't want to know. He wants to believe it's nothing bad, nothing serious, nothing that can't be cured. Kuramochi grips both his shoulders, careful not to put too much pressure on them. "Sawamura –"

Before he can finish what he wants to say, Kuramochi – strong, brash Kuramochi – breaks down, shaking. The doctor gently takes over, or not so gently depending on whose perspective it is.

"You have leukaemia, blood cancer. The good news is that we caught it at a relatively early stage and are still able to treat it. There's no telling how effective our range of treatments will be, but the majority of our patients do react favourably. Most of them are able to extend their lifetime by a considerable period or even manage to expel the cancer completely."

The doctor goes on talking for a while longer, Eijun forcing himself to listen and hang on to the words, not allowing his thoughts to stray. He feels that if he lets himself crash, he won't be able to get back up again. He listens attentively, absentmindedly noting when Kazuya finally comes over to sit by his side and links their hands.

Kuramochi leaves sometime during the lengthy explanation of treatment methods, unable to keep listening. He's heard the speech before and he's been around long enough to know precisely how many patients don't respond well to the treatments. He can't get himself to watch the hope in Eijun's eyes slowly diminish as he realises the futility of what they try. He knows there's a chance – a disproportionately high chance – that he will recover, but in the case it doesn't work…he doesn't want to see it. Not now. He will be there, later, when he can and must be strong for both Eijun and Kazuya.

Eventually the doctor leaves. The room is silent again except for the beeping. Eijun has been surprisingly calm during the whole thing; the only sign that this has shaken him to his core is how hard he's gripping Kazuya's hand. The knuckles stand out white against his skin. It hurts but Kazuya doesn't say anything. If Eijun can still grip this strongly, maybe there's hope. There has to be. He lifts the hand to his mouth and kisses it gently. Eijun's eyes move to look at him, the expression in them duller than what Kazuya is used to seeing and it hurts too. It hurts much more than the tight grip on his hand because that look – it's death.

"We'll get through this." Kazuya tells him. He's grateful that his voice sounds stronger and more convincing than he feels. Eijun doesn't react, only blinks rapidly. Then he lets go of Kazuya and buries his face in his hands, his back beginning to shake in quiet sobs. Kazuya stands and wraps his arms around Eijun, hugging him tightly as he cards his fingers through his hair and whispering reassuring words he doesn't fully feel. He rocks Eijun back and forth like a child, trying to comfort him. He isn't cut out for something like this, but right now that doesn't matter. Kazuya has to be there for Eijun, has to be there for the person who has always been there for him when he was weak. Eijun holds on to Kazuya for dear life, repeating over and over, "I don't want to die."

The room is still cold, but it isn't so silent anymore. As Eijun cries in Kazuya's arms, he can feel hot tears that aren't his own drip onto him. He thinks he preferred the silence.

The phone rang once, twice, three times. His eyebrows twitched in irritation when it went to voicemail for the fifth time in a row.  
"Oi, if you keep ignoring my calls -" Kazuya broke off mid-sentence when he heard the bell ring. He went to answer the door, continuing to mutter into the phone's speaker, "I swear, all you'll be able to dance once I'm done with you -"  
The door opened and Kazuya stared at Sawamura standing there before he ended the call.  
"You're late." he said, then added, "Again."  
Sawamura huffed, trying to get past Kazuya. He purposely leaned against the doorframe, grinning at the glare he got in return.  
"I know, I'm sorry! Coach extended practice and then my bus was late and my phone ran out of battery -"  
Kazuya let Sawamura rant as he finally moved out of the way. He closed his eyes for just a second when Sawamura breezed past him, the scent of baseball, boy sweat and deodorant left behind filling his nose for a short moment. It's familiar and welcome, comforting somehow.

Way to be creepy, Kazuya, he thought a bit sourly to himself as he turned to follow Sawamura back into the apartment he shared with Youichi.

"Let's get on with it then. I've got work in a couple of hours." Kazuya interrupted Sawamura who was still going on about the bus.

"You're so rude, shouldn't you offer your guests something to drink or eat?" Sawamura tossed his bag onto the small, but comfortable couch. He ignored the look of annoyance Kazuya threw him, going into the kitchen where he proceeded to open various cupboards and peered into the fridge. Kazuya pushed his glasses further up in irritation.

"Sawamura –"

"You have nothing to eat." he informed him, sounding scandalised. Kazuya frowned at him, now not only annoyed but also worried. It was Youichi's turn to go grocery shopping this week and he usually did a good job; he probably still remembered the major verbal lashing Kazuya had given him after the first time he had gone. And between the two of them both working part time, one at a restaurant, the other at a grocery store, it was usually easy enough to ensure they always had something edible at home. Or to at least to make sure they didn't starve.

Kazuya bent down beside Sawamura, squinting at the contents of the fridge. He pretended not to notice Sawamura's breath hitch at the sudden closeness. Honestly, he should be used to it by now with how often he forced himself on Kazuya for the dancing lessons.

The fridge was semi-filled, mostly with fresh vegetables and fruit as well as a piece of meat Kuramochi must be planning to cook tonight. Kazuya straightened up and whacked Sawamura around the back of his head, earning a loud yelp.

"There's plenty. Just because none of it is cooked doesn't mean it's not edible." Kazuya rolled his eyes at Sawamura's indignant splutter. "You're going to have to learn how to cook sometime, you know."

"Teach me, then."

The request, spoken quietly but with a conviction normal for Sawamura startled Kazuya. He looked at the younger boy for a moment; they were just about the same height now and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He had to admit, it had been fun for him to hold his height advantage over his underclassman while they were both at Seidou. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible anymore. Sawamura had gone through a growth spurt these past few months which would quite possibly result in him towering over Kazuya one day.

"No way. I'm already teaching you dances, I'm not teaching you how not to poison yourself once you're on your own." Kazuya deadpanned, closing the fridge door in Sawamura's face. He quirked an eyebrow at the glare levelled at him. "Go ask someone else."

"Miyuki!" Sawamura pulled a face, whining. "Come on, I don't wanna dance today. I'm horrible at it and it's no fun."

"Why are you here then?" Kazuya asked dryly, already resigning himself to the fact that Sawamura would be staying for a while, whether he wanted him to or not. He crossed the cramped kitchen in just two long strides, pushing down the button on the electric water kettle. Kazuya glanced over at Sawamura fuming in the corner. He muttered something unintelligible. "Hmm, what was that?"

"I said, I'm here because you're my friend and I wanted to spend some time with you!" Sawamura spat out, red-faced. Kazuya blinked at the unexpected answer, then smirked.

"Aww, I didn't know you missed me that much." Kazuya cooed, causing Sawamura shoot him a constipated look. He sidled right up to him, slinging an arm around his shoulder.

"I didn't say that!" Sawamura told him, sounding cross as he tried to push Kazuya's arm off of him. "Let go!"

"Well, I guess since I'm such a good friend, maybe I should teach how not to starve to death out in the real world." Kazuya completely ignored the squirming, grinning at him. Sawamura stopped for a second, narrowing his eyes at him in suspicion.

"Really?"

"As long as you actually start checking your phone and answering it when I call." Kazuya told him sounding almost sincere. The fact that Sawamura just didn't reply to his messages or answered his calls annoyed him more than he wanted to admit. He didn't write often but he knew Sawamura did, so when Kazuya wrote to him he kind of expected an answer.

"Yeah, whatever." Sawamura muttered, looking down. Kazuya tried not to look ticked off. Whenever they did see each other, which wasn't that often anyway, he had noticed Sawamura that avoided looking at him directly more and more often.

"And stop doing that." he added, prompting Sawamura to look up at him at the tone, already looking like he was ready to retaliate in anger. "You never look at me anymore."

The unspoken request for an explanation hung in the air but Sawamura once again looked away.

"Sorry." It was obvious that the honest apology required some effort, the way how Sawamura forced himself to look Kazuya in the eye even more so. A myriad of emotions behind those amber eyes flashed by too fast for Kazuya to decipher, but they caused him to suddenly feel lightheaded and swallow heavily. Then Sawamura smiled brightly, a sunny grin which should have looked sincere but didn't, not quite. "So, what are you teaching me?"

Kazuya shook off the strange warm feeling inside him, trying to ignore how his stomach seemed to be somersaulting. "Ah, well, let's see. What's a simple enough dish for even an idiot like you to not screw up?"

The answering splutter from Sawamura made Kazuya grin. The atmosphere lifted, filled with teasing. He breathed in relief. There were no weird fluttery sensations in his stomach and chest or creepy thoughts like how he liked the way Sawamura smelled.

There was banter, smirks, grins, Sawamura's too loud indoor voice. This…this was normal, easy.

He could deal with that.

Kazuya is woken by gentle, flowing music. That in itself isn't unusual; most days Eijun is up before him and has a habit of tuning in on his favourite radio station. But what is unusual is that this isn't the kind of loud, happy music that Eijun loves and Kazuya grudgingly deals with. This…this is a song he recognises and actually likes.

Kazuya's eyes open as he realises where he knows it from, unable to keep from smiling. He sits up, yawning and stretching before finally getting out of bed. He pads into the living room from where he can see straight into the walk-in kitchen. For a moment, he can fool himself into believing that nothing is wrong. That what he can see is really all there is, that his boyfriend is simply humming along to a song while flitting around the kitchen and by some miracle managing not to break anything. Kazuya even sniffs a bit to make sure that nothing is burning.

But then he looks closer and his heart squeezes painfully in his chest. Eijun is still humming, but he interrupts himself every few seconds to take a new, rattling breath. His movements are slow, tired and almost look clumsy. Eijun is wearing layer upon layer even though it's the middle of summer. Then he accidentally bumps into the handle of a kitchen drawer and flinches violently at the pain, wincing.

"Good morning." Kazuya announces his presence, his voice coming out in a croak. He hopes Eijun thinks it's because he just woke up and not because seeing him in pain makes Kazuya hurt too. Eijun turns, face lighting up when he sees him.

"Morning!" Eijun calls out, grinning brightly. Kazuya smiles at that; despite the bags underneath Eijun's eyes and the clear exhaustion lining his face his voice still sounds reasonably strong.

"Do you need help?" Kazuya comes toward him, dropping a kiss on his forehead and wrapping his arm around his waist. For a second, he forgets about their situation and allows himself the petty thought of being glad that Eijun stayed the same height as him. Eijun leans against him, relaxing into the half-armed hug and that second is over. Has he always felt this fragile and light?

"I can't find the coffee." Eijun says, pulling him back to the present and out of his unpleasant thoughts. Kazuya raises his eyebrows at him, but lets him go to get it. He reaches into one of their numerous cupboards and puts the bag on the counter.

"Why were you looking for coffee? You don't even like it."

"I wanted to make some for you. Since you drink that stuff all the time." Eijun wrinkles his nose in disgust and reaches for the bag, adding a few scoops and some water to the coffeemaker before turning on the switch.

"I didn't even know you knew how to use that thing." Kazuya says teasingly, pointing at the machine. He's touched by Eijun's unexpected gesture though he really shouldn't be. Ever since meeting him, he's done nothing but surprise him at every turn. Eijun sticks his tongue out at him childishly, causing Kazuya to grin. This feels normal, safe, like the usual. They both know there's nothing normal going on right now, but they want to believe it, just for a little while.

"Hey, Kazuya." Eijun says, a soft smile on his face. He reaches out for his hand and Kazuya comes to him willingly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember this song?"

Kazuya snorts in amusement. "Yeah. Wasn't this one of those when I tried to teach you how to dance?"

Eijun huffs, rolling his eyes. "You did teach me. I managed not to fall or step on anyone, didn't I?"

Kazuya shrugs in answer, smirking when he gets another aggravated huff from Eijun. But his smirk melts away into a smile, the one where Youichi tells him that he looks like a sappy idiot, when Eijun lets go of him and offers him his hand, palm facing up. Eijun slightly bows from his waist. "May I have this dance?"

"Yeah." Kazuya accepts Eijun's hand, placing his other on Eijun's shoulder and feeling Eijun's hand go to his waist. "You may."

It's not so much a dance as it is them hugging each other and swaying lazily in time with the music, but it's nice, relaxing, domestic. Eijun's head is resting on Kazuya's shoulder and he turns his head to place a kiss on his hair. It's peaceful and for the duration of the playlist Eijun has apparently saved, it's perfect. The coffee is long forgotten by the time the playlist ends but they stay standing in the kitchen, just holding each other. Then Kazuya suddenly speaks.

"That song, the first one. When you asked me if I remembered it."

"What about it?"

"I do. Remember it, I mean." Kazuya pulls himself away a bit so he can look at Eijun properly. A smile is playing around his lips at the familiar sight of Eijun looking so irritated.

"You –"

"That was when you first told me you liked me." Kazuya interrupts, grinning when Eijun blushes and looks to the side. "How could I ever forget that?"

Eijun looks back at him to retort. But he never makes a sound because Kazuya has come close again and is kissing him. And it's everything it was when it happened the first time, full of hope and love.


	2. Can we dance real slow?

**Can we dance real slow? Can I hold you close? (Eyes on you, eyes on me)**

 _Suddenly I'm feeling brave_

 _Don't know what's got into me_

 _Why I feel this way_

 _Can we dance real slow?_

 _Can I hold you close?_

 _The room's hush, hush_

 _And now's our moment_

 _Take it in, feel it all and hold it_

 _Eyes on you, eyes on me_

 _We're doing this right_

* * *

It was a week before Eijun cousin's wedding and he still wasn't getting it. Frustrated, he stepped away from Miyuki, dropping his hands from the other's waist. At least he finally got to dance the male part.

"I can't do it!" Eijun exclaimed, mussing his already messy hair as he buried his fingers in it out of annoyance. Miyuki sighed, looking as if he was trying hard not to say something rude. He crossed his arms, frowning at Eijun.

"What do you want to do? Just not go to the wedding or what?" It was meant to come out as a quip but Sawamura nodded vigorously.

"I could just feign sick or something. Or say there's an important game!"

"As if you could just get out of it that easily." Kazuya scoffed, cuffing Sawamura lightly around the head. Kazuya hoped he hadn't noticed how he had started to touch him casually more often lately; it would be embarrassing to explain since he didn't even know why himself yet. At least, that was what he liked to tell himself. But he needn't have worried because Sawamura just gave his usual response of jumping up and yelling with his finger pointed at Kazuya's face. He ignored it, cutting him off mid-rant, "What's the problem? Why can't you do it?"

Kazuya wasn't exactly averse to the idea of stopping since his feet were throbbing with being stepped on so much, but he liked to think he was someone who kept his promises. So he was going to see this through until Sawamura could at least manage a decent waltz, dammit. He already felt sorry for whoever was going to be Sawamura's date.

Eijun thought for a few seconds, furrowing his eyebrows as Miyuki stood there, tapping his foot impatiently. Then he looked down, feeling sheepish.

"It's too fast." he mumbled. Miyuki blinked.

Did Kazuya just hear that right? The _waltz_ was too fast for Sawamura to keep up?

"You're so lame." Miyuki said, rolling his eyes. "Do you want me to show you the steps again? I'll be extra slow, just for you."

"Yes, please." Eijun gritted his teeth, biting back his anger at the insult and nodded. "Senpai."

Well, isn't he full of surprises today, Kazuya thought, eyebrows raised at the polite words and use of honorific. He nodded, taking Sawamura's hand to put it back on his waist. He tried to ignore the jumping sensation in his stomach at the touch.

They started moving after Miyuki began counting out loud, pressing Eijun's shoulder lightly to signal him to take a step forward. There was no music playing which he greatly preferred; really, Eijun was fine without the music to throw him off balance. But supposedly music was an essential part of dancing (who knew?) and required rhythm which he didn't have, according to a certain glasses-wearing jerk. Said jerk continued counting for a good minute or two until their movements flowed into one another without a hitch. Neither of them really noticed when Miyuki stopped. Both were too intent on getting the steps right, listening to a silent melody only they could hear.

Kazuya wasn't looking at the ground anymore; Sawamura hadn't stepped on him at all during their silent dance so he felt safe letting his guard down. His gaze travelled over the concentrated look on Sawamura's face, the small fold between his eyebrows, his long, black eyelashes brushing the tops of his cheekbones, the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. If Kazuya had been a bit more self-aware he would have stopped himself from shamelessly staring at Sawamura but he wasn't and so he didn't. The air felt peaceful and pleasantly warm, just like where Sawamura's hands touched him.

Then those amber eyes suddenly shifted their focus to Kazuya's face and he felt a shock go through him at having been caught.

Eijun noticed them both start to slow down until they eventually just stopped moving altogether. He had been looking at the ground the whole time, not wanting to step on Miyuki again, so he hadn't noticed the other staring until he looked up after they stopped. He blinked at the intense stare directed at him, face heating up. Eijun stepped away from Miyuki a little, wanting to clear his mind by putting a bit of distance between them.

In the beginning it had just been uncomfortable but now it had more to do with trying to keep his feelings under control. They always went haywire whenever they danced, especially when they stood too close. He wished he could have just stayed oblivious to the stupid crush he had on the former catcher. It would make this so much easier. He could have just continued brushing off his body's reactions to Miyuki's nearness as him being a jerk. He could have ignored the tightness in his chest whenever he – fleetingly – thought about Miyuki having a girlfriend. After all, Eijun grudgingly admitted, Miyuki was ridiculously popular with the girls. And ignoring all that wasn't possible anymore, not after having had as rude of an awakening as he'd had. Not to mention the ton of convincing Haruichi had had to do to actually get him to believe it.

Eijun looked to the side, coughing to break the silence he could feel becoming awkward.

"So, how was that?" he asked, thanking whatever higher power existed that he didn't sound as rattled as he felt.

Kazuya blinked at the question; how was what? Then he remembered they'd been dancing before he had turned off his brain and started doing something as stupid as staring at Sawamura.

"Uh, it was good." Kazuya remembered to smile. He didn't know if it looked as off as he felt. "Want to try it with music?"

"Ugh, fine." Eijun grudgingly took Miyuki's offered hand, already used to ignoring the way his heart jumped at every touch. He still hadn't gotten the handle on his uneven breathing whenever Miyuki came close though; in fact, it seemed to get worse with every time they danced or even were in the same room.

Kazuya pressed the play button on the remote of his music player before tucking it back into his pant pocket and putting his hand on Sawamura's shoulder. He didn't notice the other's strange breathing, too occupied with trying to get his composure back after having let go of his control so easily. Kazuya started counting out loud again, gently squeezing Sawamura's shoulder to signal him to start. He stopped after a while and as if by some miracle, the dance went on as smoothly as it had before.

"You know, your date isn't going to help you dance properly. You're going to have to count and lead by yourself." Miyuki suddenly said; Eijun hadn't even noticed him stop counting. Eijun looked up from their moving feet. Miyuki was staring at him again, eyes scrutinising him intently from behind thick-framed glasses. Eijun could feel his brain go fuzzy.

"You be my date then." he blurted before he could stop himself. Then he realised what he had said. He fought the urge to cover his mouth in horror and forced himself to leave his hands where they were. He was still dancing just fine; he had completely lost focus on what his feet were doing and just went with what felt right. Eijun held Miyuki's stare, his heart suddenly beating steadily and his breathing even.

Kazuya froze. The only reason he was still moving was because he was letting Sawamura lead who was doing a surprisingly good job. He wasn't sure how he felt about what Sawamura had just said. Kazuya wanted to laugh it off as a joke but the way Sawamura was looking at him made him hesitate.

"Are you joking? You're supposed to be dancing with a girl, aren't you?" he eventually said, avoiding a direct answer. The playlist was still going and Kazuya suddenly found himself wishing it would end soon so he didn't have to be so aware of Sawamura's touch.

"I'm supposed to be dancing with my date." Eijun corrected, "And I don't want to dance with a girl."

He silently cursed himself for the slip of tongue. He didn't know what had gotten into him today.

"You –" Kazuya broke off, not sure what he wanted to say. He didn't know why he felt so happy at Sawamura's admission. It was idiotic to be happy about something like that but he couldn't deny that his heart was beating a bit faster now. Kazuya unconsciously moved closer into Sawamura's space during the next step, the grip on his waist tightening marginally.

"So?" Eijun asked challengingly, face determined as the playlist slowly drew to a close and he stopped moving. Neither of them moved their hands. "Are you coming with me or not?"

Kazuya's mouth twitched at Sawamura's familiar tone and face expression. This wasn't unfamiliar territory any longer even if their hands were still linked. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't be fair to let some poor girl break her feet just because you suck at this."

"Hey!" Eijun said indignantly but couldn't stop a grin from forming on his face. "So you'll be my date?"

Kazuya tried not to let the warm, fluttery happiness in his stomach show on his face at the word 'date'. He grimaced, "I guess, yeah. Is your cousin okay with you just bringing anyone?"

"Yeah, she's fine with it. She just wants me to bring a date. For whatever reason she insisted." Sawamura shrugged.

"Sawamura, back again?" Kuramochi's voice sounded from the entrance. They must have completely missed the door being unlocked and opened.

Both of the jumped apart at sudden intrusion, becoming aware of just how close they had been standing. They avoided looking at each other, faces becoming red. Kuramochi emerged from the doorway, peering into the living room. His eyes narrowed suspiciously at the sight of his two friends studiously ignoring each other.

"What were you doing?" he asked, squinting as he came closer. He didn't miss the red colour creeping down Kazuya's neck or how Sawamura's face turned an even deeper shade of the same. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Absolutely not! There's nothing secret going on here! Miyuki's just teaching me how to dance!" Eijun bellowed, standing stiffly. Kuramochi blinked while Kazuya bit back an exasperated groan. There was a reason he hadn't told Youichi about this. His roommate turned toward him, an evil glint in his eye as he grinned mischievously.

"Dancing, huh? What kind of 'dancing'?"

"It's not like that, Youichi." Kazuya tried to get him to stop talking, glancing sideways at Sawamura in the hope that he had missed the intonation. Apparently he had because he looked at Youichi in confusion.

"Kuramochi-senpai, you told me Miyuki knows how to dance so I asked him to teach me." he said, eyebrows furrowed. "Remember?"

"Ah, yeah. Now that you mention it." Youchi rubbed his chin thoughtfully, still grinning at Kazuya. "So, how far did you get?"

"Huh?"

"Sawamura, it's late." Kazuya interrupted hastily, glaring at Kuramochi. "You'd better get going if you want to make curfew."

Eijun automatically glanced down at his wristwatch and yelped. He started gathering his things, his bag from the couch, his jacket and slipped into his shoes. He waved at the two of them as he started towards the door.

"I'll send you the details for the wedding." Sawamura quickly told Miyuki before disappearing out of sight. "See you next week!"

Then the door shut with a slam, Miyuki flinching at the loud sound and trying to ignore the leering look aimed at him from Youichi.

"Wedding, eh?"

"Shut up."

"Eijun."

Eijun cracks his eyes open; even that small movement makes him feel dizzy and a sense of impending nausea stirs in the pit of his stomach. He manages to smile at who is standing at the foot of his bed.

"Wakana." It takes him a couple of tries until his voice sounds strong enough to make anything audible come out of his mouth. Wakana looks like she's close to tears. She comes around the side, looking down at him with trembling lips.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here." she says, weakly gesturing over at the table where a vase full of fresh flowers stand. "I picked them off the farm. Your favourites."

They're sunflowers.

Eijun smiles again, then starts coughing, curling in on himself. The motion hurts and makes him feel sick all over again. As much as he loves Wakana, he wishes she wasn't here right now to see this because he's dry-heaving and just can't stop. He squeezes his eyes shut, willing the cough to subside, the dry-heaving to stop, the nausea to go away. For this whole shitty situation to just never have happened.

"Eijun?" Wakana's eyes are wide, shocked, her arms wrapped around herself as if for protection. Eijun slumps back down onto the bed, feeling pathetically weak.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"N-no, it's okay. I wanted to see you. I didn't know –" she cuts herself off abruptly before finishing her sentence but Eijun knows what she was about to say.

 _I didn't know how much time you had left._

He can feel hot tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, but he blinks rapidly a few times and they're gone. "Thanks for coming."

It's been about two or three weeks now since he's started chemotherapy and all it's done is making him feel worse with each passing day. If the doctors are to be believed it's working and Eijun really hopes it's true because he's starting to become the kind of person he's never wanted to be in addition to this destroying his life.

"Is Kazuya here?" Eijun suddenly asks, eyes fixed on the flowers. He likes the vibrancy of them, how they make this blank, lifeless room just a bit more bearable.

The answer doesn't come immediately, so he turns his head as carefully as he can without starting another heaving fit. Wakana stands there looking uncomfortable, biting her lip.

"He's at the game." she finally says. Eijun can feel disappointment settle inside the growing part of him he hates. Of course Kazuya's at the game. How could he forget that was today? He should be feeling proud that he can push on despite how much has changed lately. No, not 'should'. Eijun does feel proud. He does.

"Good." Eijun finally says, glad he doesn't sound as weak as he did when Aotsuki first came in. "He needs to win."

For our team. For us. For me. Because I can't, not right now.

He feels a small, warm hand slip into his limp one lying by his side. She smiles down at him, gentle and full of sadness. "Want to watch it? I asked at the reception, they've got the sport channel here."

Eijun manages to say 'yes'. He suddenly wants nothing more than to see the game. See Kazuya.

A couple of minutes later, they've found the channel. It's still only the second inning, so they didn't miss much. Neither team have scored yet; it looks like they're equally good in both defense and offense. Eijun frowns at the small screen, looking at their team's catcher. The heavy gear obscures any clear features but after several minutes of hard staring, he recognises him.

"That's Okumura." Eijun mutters, absurdly upset. He's been having mood swings lately and he hates it. "Not Kazuya. Where is he?"

"Eijun –" Wakana tries to calm him at the sound of his slowly rising voice, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

"I'm sorry." he immediately offers, feeling guilty. He doesn't like getting angry or showing it. His emotions are harder to control now and he's never been good at control anyway. Wakana offers him another smile, this one looking a bit less broken and more like the ones Eijun's used to seeing from her.

"It's okay."

A sudden knock on the door causes Wakana to stand up and Eijun to turn his head a bit too fast, making him wince. She looks over at him worriedly and he very carefully, slowly, nods.

"I'm okay. Open the door please."

She nods back and goes to do just that. Eijun can't see who it is from this angle but he does hear a gasp and some shushing.

"You guys better be quiet. You've got no idea which strings I had to pull to get permission to let all of you inside one room at the same time." Youichi's familiar voice speaks irritably. There's some shuffling, a dull remark and a loud 'Ow!' "Hey, I said quiet!"

"You're not exactly setting the best example here."

Eijun's eyes widen at the sound of a new voice joining. It can't be… can it?

"How is he?" another voice asks, calm, collected and deep.

No way.

"Is the treatment working?"

This…

"Stop standing in the way, Mochi! How're we supposed to see Bakamura if you won't let us in?!"

This isn't possible.

"I would but – hmmph!"

And then Eijun's white, sterile room is full of colour, grins and faces. The small room is cramped and he should be feeling claustrophobic but instead he just feels more at home than he has in weeks. A wide grin, almost as bright as his usual, spreads across his face.

It's the whole first string of the Seidou team plus the 'third years' and a few of his middle school friends. Only Okumura is missing, of course, and Kazuya. Eijun tries hard not to let his disappointment show; everyone's made such an effort to come here, the least he can do is show his appreciation.

"What are you all doing here?" is the first thing he says after he gets over his initial surprise. He struggles to get up into a seated position, again forgetting his easily evoked nausea. He manages not to gag and feels a pair of arms propping him up against the pillows. He throws Youichi a grateful look who only nods once.

"Hey, hey, is that how you greet your senpais?" Jun says gruffly, trying for normalcy even though seeing the pitcher he remembers from Seidou so weak that he can't even sit up without help leaves him shocked. He can tell from glancing at the others around him that they feel the same. Eijun chuckles and it actually sounds genuine.

"Ex-senpais." he grins. He looks around at all of them. "No, but seriously. Why are you all here?"

The entire group whisper among themselves for a few moments until Haruichi steps forward.

"You mean you don't remember?"

A blank look comes across Eijun's face. "Huh?"

"It's your birthday." Chris informs him calmly with a small smile.

"What?" Eijun's eyebrows shoot upward. How could he have forgotten his birthday? "Nah."

"Um. It is. Remember, today's that game you've been wanting to pitch in – "Eijun wants to flinch but knows better than that – "and you were doubly excited because it's on your birthday." Haruichi explains. That jogs Eijun's memory.

"Oh!"

"'Oh!' is right." Youichi mutters from beside him. He shudders, "You don't even know what I had to do to get this whole rowdy bunch allowed in here."

"Rowdy?" Ryousuke repeats innocently. Youchi cowers back on instinct, hiding behind the IV drip. He glares at the older Kominato.

"That's what I said."

"What did you have to do?" Furuya asks with what for him counts as curious voice. Eijun poorly conceals his laughter behind a cough. It comes out as a cross between a giggle, snort and wheezing. Youichi is the only one who isn't worried by the strange sound, throwing him a withering glare.

"Don't you dare."

"Do you remember –"

"Guys, where's the cake?" Youichi loudly interrupts, clapping one of his hands over Eijun's mouth to try and shut him up. Furuya looks on with mild interest but doesn't comment.

"Miyuki was going to get it." Yuuki answers the question, piquing Eijun's interest. Kazuya is coming?

"I know that! Where is he?"

"You called?"

The whole room turns to look at the newcomer. Kazuya is showing his trademark grin and holding an enormous box which Eijun assumes holds the aforementioned cake. He loves cake but he loves Kazuya more and that's the emotion that hits him at the sight of his catcher. It's been too long since they've seen each other in person. As much as he doesn't want to do this, especially not in front of so many people, Eijun starts crying.

"Whoa!" Jun jumps at the sight. He, along with everyone else on the team, has witnessed most of Eijun's impressive emotional range but this is new. He's not familiar with these choking, rasping shudders of air or the loud sobs. In fact, he's not sure he's actually ever seen Eijun cry out of anything but anger, disappointment or happiness before.

"Hey, hey, calm down." Youichi tells him almost a bit irritably. He isn't quite so unused to this, seeing as he makes sure to look after Eijun whenever he has the time and knows about the mood swings. "He's here now, yeah?"

Kazuya hasn't seen Eijun in just over two weeks. His schedule has been keeping him busy, preventing him from making the long drive down to the hospital which specialises in cancer treatments. He knows it's a poor excuse but he has another reason for not visiting, one he becomes painfully aware of after he enters the room and sees Eijun break down on the hospital bed.

It's been two weeks but it may as well have been much longer than that. The Eijun he checked into the hospital looks worse than he did before coming here. He's much too thin and even from standing at least three meters away Kazuya can clearly see Eijun's body trembling. There are blankets piled on top of him and exhaustion is clearly etched into every single line on Eijun's face, pale and unhealthy looking, swollen. They've been warned by the doctors of the side effects, especially hair loss, but as of yet Eijun isn't balding.

Whenever they text, which they do daily, Eijun tells Kazuya that he's fine, that he's feeling as good as he has any right to expect when he's receiving treatment right now and that he at least isn't in any pain. Kazuya should have known better. Eijun knows he can't stand seeing him suffer or that hospitals are a place of bad memories and fear for him. Those messages were the only thing keeping him somewhat guilt free.

You're such a liar, Kazuya thinks, swallowing heavily. The lump in his throat doesn't go away. Why didn't you ask for me to come?

And he would have. Stale memories which sometimes still haunt him wouldn't have kept him away from his personal ball of sunshine, not the one person who brings him to life more than anyone else.

Kazuya crosses the room in three long strides, passing the cake to whoever's standing closest. He comes up beside the bed, touching Eijun on the shoulder. He's starting to get his breathing under control again and looks up. Something clenches tight and painful inside Kazuya's chest when he sees how red and tired those amber eyes look, the bags underneath standing out prominently.

"I'm sorry I'm late." is all he can manage to say without giving in to hot tears himself. The Eijun he knows, the healthy one, would pout and glare at him because Kazuya would have used a flippant tone and a smirk, but he didn't, not this time and Eijun's tired and sick. So Eijun just smiles up at him through his tears and the pressure inside Kazuya eases just a tiny bit at seeing the genuine happiness there.

"It's okay. You came."

"Guys, not to be rude but…" Youichi interrupts their moment a bit regretfully, but then grins when they both look at him. He gestures at the foot of the bed where the team is holding the cake. It's a monstrosity of cream and fruit, decorative sugar flowers and lots of candles on top. They're all smiling, grinning or in Wakana's case trying to hold back tears. Haruichi doesn't seem to be far behind. Nobu softly starts to sing a traditional birthday song from the back and is quickly joined by everyone's voices. Someone must have turned the lights off because the candles illuminate their faces, dipping them into warm, golden light which flickers in time with the flames. The song is jumbled, off beat, even more off key, there's crying and hiccups but also smiles and barely held in laughter and it's perfect.

Eijun can tell the exact moment when Kazuya joins in; he has one arm around him and the familiar weight is reassuring to Eijun, leaning against Kazuya's chest and head tucked into the dip between his head and shoulder. He can feel the vibrations of Kazuya's voice thrumming through his body. Eijun smiles softly. He's happy. Kazuya's finally here, warm, safe and real.


	3. Do you think we're ready?

**Do you think we're ready? Oh, I'm really feeling it… (Do you hear that love?)**

 _Do you hear that love?_  
 _They're playing our song_  
 _Do you think we're ready?_  
 _Oh, I'm really feeling it_  
 _Do you hear that love?_  
 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Forever is a long time_  
 _But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side_

 _Kiss it all better_  
 _I'm not ready to go_

* * *

Kazuya tried not to fidget inside the uncomfortable suit. It was an old one he had and didn't quite fit. Because of the short notice he hadn't been able to look into possibly renting one, so now he was stuck with this one for the day. What made it even worse was that Sawamura was seated beside him and looking completely at ease. While wearing a suit.

What that sight did to Kazuya was a story he really didn't want to get into.

Eijun noticed Miyuki shifting beside him again.

"What's wrong?"

Before Miyuki could answer, the loud, upbeat music at the wedding reception changed to something slower, quieter, melodious. Eijun's ears perked up at the familiar tune coming from the loudspeakers, one that conjured up a recent memory of a dance gone well. Apparently he wasn't the only one who recognised it because Miyuki looked at him in surprise.

"Do you hear that?" Eijun asked, trying to sound casual but failing, an excited grin lighting up his eyes. His cousin had given him free reign over when, what and who he danced with (but "You absolutely have to, Ei-chan. Dance is such an incredible form of art…you must experience it for yourself.") "They're playing the song!"

Kazuya couldn't stop himself from returning the grin, but he did raise an eyebrow and eyed Sawamura sceptically. "Think you're ready?"

Eijun huffed, standing up in defiance. "Of course! I didn't waste all my time with you for nothing!"

 _Maybe_ I'm _not ready_ , Kazuya thought, a bit stung at the second part of that statement. And there was also the fact that he felt a bit self-conscious about possibly being the only male dancing couple. He should have just said no, even if the thought of some girl dancing with Sawamura after Kazuya had taught him made him – dare he say it - jealous. Kazuya stood. "Well, we'd better get on the dance floor before the song's over then."

Eijun followed Miyuki onto the floor, becoming a bit nervous now. He really didn't care if anyone stared since his cousin had been happy enough, seeing he had brought a date at all. The self-satisfied grin and suggestive wink she had sent him at the sight of Kazuya had been unnerving at best, but she had explicitly expressed her approval.

No, Eijun was nervous because he was going to dance in front of someone other than Miyuki for the first time ever, because this was a wedding, because it had somehow at some point become a private thing for them – because this was Miyuki and Eijun had never felt like this toward anyone before. But maybe that was just him or maybe he was overthinking it and wasn't that just ironic?

"Oi, bakamura." Kazuya snapped his fingers in front of Sawamura's glazed over eyes. He blinked and focused on him. Kazuya lifted an eyebrow in irritation. "Don't tell me you started using that head of yours now and are getting nervous?"

"I'm not!" Sawamura retorted heatedly, ignoring the way some surrounding couples looked at them. Kazuya wished he could do that as easily. He was sure he could feel multiple gazes like knives directed at them. Sawamura almost aggressively stuck out his hand. "Are you ready?"

"This isn't a baseball match, Sawamura." Kazuya said dryly but took his offered hand anyway. "Lead the way."

Eijun could feel jitters in his stomach until he put his hand on Miyuki's waist and felt his hand settle on his shoulder. Somehow, this felt natural, like they belonged there. He started to pay attention to the song and the beat, concentrating. A few seconds ticked by, stretching into 10, 15... A sigh from in front of him interrupted him.

"Do you need me to count for you?" Miyuki asked, sounding bored but Eijun could see him swallow noticeably. He looked at the former catcher with wide eyes.

"Are you nervous?"

"What? Of course not." Kazuya dismissed, inwardly wincing at the traitorous pitch in his voice. "You're the one who can't dance." Then he got an idea which would get them moving and distract him from his nerves. He grinned. "How about I lead?"

"Huh? No way!" Eijun protested the suggestion indignantly but secretly glad that Miyuki was starting to act like his normal self again. He'd been weird all day. "Just you watch me, Miyuki Kazuya! I'm going to amaze you with my dancing skills!"

And they started moving, right on the beat. If Sawamura was surprised it didn't show; he was, like always, looking at the ground as they danced. Kazuya really should have tried to reinforce that one did not look at the floor but their dance partner during a couple dance.

 _Hmm, better late than never._

"Sawamura." Kazuya called in a low voice, trying to be quiet so his voice didn't carry. He didn't want to give anyone more reasons to stare (and yes, maybe he was being a bit paranoid). Sawamura didn't look up, silently mouthing numbers. "Eijun!"

Eijun looked up in surprise at hearing his first name come out of Miyuki's mouth. They never called each other by their first names. He tried to shake off the strange feeling he got from hearing him say it. "What?"

"You're not supposed to be looking at your feet but your dance partner." Miyuki lectured him, managing to sound exasperated and amused at the same time. Eijun glared; he swore he could see a smirk lurking in the corner of his mouth.

"But I'm gonna screw up if I don't!"

"You didn't last time." Kazuya pointed out, letting his eyes flicker downwards. "And you're not now."

It was true. So far, they hadn't missed a single beat or step, fluidly moving from one motion into the next.

"Huh." Eijun's eyes drifted downward again in amazement and confirmation. He felt a light squeeze on his shoulder and Miyuki saying in a low, warning tone, "Eijun."

That strange feeling from before, like something hot and molten sliding into his stomach made itself known again and he yanked his gaze upward, straight at Miyuki.

Kazuya had been aiming to calm his nerves down by having somewhere other to look than the rest of the guests, but when Sawamura's eyes met his, liquid gold mixing with chocolate brown, he thought that that might have been an even bigger mistake than agreeing to attend the wedding with him. Kazuya's breathing suddenly sounded erratic to his ears and his heartbeat raced in his chest, hands clammy. And he felt like he might throw up. He thought he could hear a faint cackling, sounding vaguely like his roommate's, whispering, _Not so smooth anymore, are you?_

"Miyuki?" Sawamura's voice pulled him back to the present. Kazuya forced his mind out of a molten amber haze, shaking his head slightly. Sawamura was looking at him in worry. "Hey, are you okay? You don't look so good."

"No, I'm alright." Kazuya muttered. Now he was the one looking down. "Let's just finish this dance and sit back down."

If he could just get through this, he'd still be alive by the time the reception was over. And hopefully keep his (unbelievably stupid) crush on the pitcher secret until he got home and could work on getting over the whole embarrassing thing. After all, there was no way Sawamura reciprocated his feelings, if he even swung that way. Right?

No, it was better like this. This way, Kazuya couldn't get his hopes up after he had already been too careless to stop himself from falling.

Now he just needed to pretend for a few more hours.

Oblivious to Miyuki's internal debate, Eijun smoothly led them into the next segment of the dance. The song was starting to reach its peak which meant it would be ending soon.

It made him restless for whatever reason; Eijun realised he didn't want it to end. He wanted to keep dancing, to keep being able to touch Miyuki like this without looking suspicious, to feel this peace, this tranquility. He wanted mindless banter and teasing and the underlying sense of comfort and acceptance, he wanted annoying smirks and glinting eyes behind glasses. Eijun wanted too much and he ached with it. _Miyuki_.

 _Just a little while longer_ , Kazuya thought, closing his eyes briefly. _Just –_

Decision made, Kazuya lifted his head, a smirk ready and a smart remark on his lips.

It was a look Eijun was used to, one that annoyed him to no end. But it also made a bubble of warmth settle in his stomach and an involuntary stream of memories shoot through his head; every time he had seen that look, every smile, every smirk, every sting of irritation connected to it and also a warm feeling of...something buried underneath it all. _Oh. Harucchi was right._

The bubble swelled, rising into his chest, up his throat and out before Eijun's brain could catch up with his mouth.

The music rose in volume, right when Sawamura opened his mouth but Kazuya thought he saw his lips forming words which left his mind wiped clean of everything.

 _"I like you."_

What?

No. That wasn't possible.

Was it?

"Sorry, could you repeat that?" Kazuya managed to sound even, keeping his face as neutral as possible. Really, he should be proud of himself; he was shaking on the inside with the effort of keeping his hope where it belonged – far, far away.

But.

What if?

What if he hadn't misunderstood…and Sawamura really did like him?

Kazuya's stomach did a weird flip. He wanted to say it felt like he was going to be sick but that would be a lie. What it did feel like was sunshine and grand speeches, amber eyes and too loud laughter. It felt like the unexpected, like ridiculously bad dancing and burning down the kitchen when trying to make a simple dish, like camaraderie, loyalty, warmth and safety. It felt like…like happiness. A giddy smile tugged at his lips.

Eijun felt the warmth which had spread through his stomach, chest and lungs turn to ice at the carefully blank question and face expression. And then it looked like that bastard was smirking. It was a hard punch to the stomach, tame in comparison to the wrestling moves Kuramochi still used on him sometimes.

"I didn't say anything!" Eijun snapped, hoping that the raw hurt in his voice sounded like his usual annoyance. "Stupid Miyuki, you're imagining things!"

The last note of the song faded away and Sawamura let go of him immediately, turning around to stalk off the dance floor. Kazuya felt his heart plummet into his stomach, afraid he had gotten the wrong idea after all and not understanding what he had done to warrant a reaction like that. Then he saw Sawamura lift his hands toward his face. He couldn't see what he was doing from the back but it looked like he was furiously wiping at his eyes. Kazuya's fear intensified, though the reason had changed, underneath which hope was threatening to break through. He followed Sawamura, closer to running instead of walking away, and managed to catch up to him just outside the reception hall.

Eijun had to get away. He didn't care if people stared at him funny for running or seeing him cry – he just didn't want Miyuki to see him like that. _Stupid bastard._ He wiped away the tears that were spilling over, wanting them to stop, but the more he tried, the faster they flowed. _Stupid Miyuki. Idiot_. Eijun covered a sob with his hand, glad he had reached the exit and was now standing in an empty hallway. _I'm so stupid. Why am I such an idiot?_

"Sawamura." Eijun's back stiffened when he heard Miyuki call to him but didn't turn around. "Eijun."

Sawamura was still with his back to Kazuya but then turned his head sideways, dipping it slightly before facing him with an obviously fake smile.

"What's the matter? I just went to get some air. It's so stuffy in there, haha." Sawamura forced a laugh, squeezing his eyes shut but Kazuya could still see how red his nose and cheeks were from rubbing away what he was sure had been tears. He reached out toward his face but Sawamura visibly shrank away from him. That hurt, but on some level Kazuya supposed he deserved it. _Maybe Youichi was right and Sawamura isn't the only idiot here_.

"Eijun." Kazuya said softly (and yes, he admitted he liked saying Sawamura's first name). "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Hurt? Me?" Eijun forced another laugh. It sounded shrill. "Why would you think that?"

Maybe if he was convincing enough, Miyuki would be alright with staying friends at least. Eijun couldn't stand the thought of losing their friendship; it made him feel hollow.

Kazuya restrained himself from snapping at Sawamura. He was trying to apologise for whatever it was he had done and that idiot wasn't even admitting that his mistake had hurt him. He ground his teeth in frustration. "Look, I genuinely didn't hear what you said just now while we were dancing. The music –"

 _Okay, no, that sounds lame._

"You ran off before I could explain." Kazuya tried again. Sawamura looked at him guardedly.

"Explain what?"

"I –" Kazuya broke off and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to say it. He was still on the verge of allowing himself to hope or to crush it with everything he had. He was – scared. But Sawamura wasn't making this easy for him and really, when had he ever? "You said, you liked me. Didn't you?"

Eijun paled, panicking. Miyuki's eyes were focused on him, slightly pinched in the corners from staring at him so intensely. "You just said you didn't hear me!"

Until that exact moment, Kazuya still hadn't given his hope free reign, still considering the possibility that the confession had been wishful thinking on his part. But now he grinned, letting his doubts go. It felt unbelievably freeing.

"I didn't, I read your lips." Miyuki smirked, coming closer until they were almost nose to nose. "But thanks for admitting it. I'm irresistible, after all. It was only a matter of time until you realised it, really."

That asshole sounded incredibly smug and looked it too. Eijun was getting angry now; he wanted to wipe that expression off his face. "Stop making fun of me!"

"I'm not!" Kazuya protested, then saw with rising alarm how Sawamura's eyes were getting suspiciously shiny even as he glared. He softened his voice. "I promise you, I'm not."

Hearing Miyuki sound so genuine and…gentle rendered Eijun speechless. He took a step back, slumping. He was getting tired of this.

"What do you want, Kazuya?" he asked resignedly. All Eijun wanted right now was to go home and bury himself in his bed, possibly cry himself to sleep and not emerge from his room for a week or two.

Kazuya heart jumped at hearing just his first name out of Sawamura's mouth but swallowed heavily at how crushed he looked. And it was all his fault. The least he could do was tell him the truth and wasn't that what he wanted? Wasn't Eijun the one he wanted? His heartbeat started to race again, hammering away inside his chest and making breathing a bit harder. He really was a coward; Eijun had been the one to take the first step, not knowing the consequences, and here Kazuya was, struggling with telling him that he _liked him back_. So he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and then opened them again. Like hell was he not going to look. He was done being afraid.

"You." Kazuya finally said after what seemed like hours had passed. "I want you."

Eijun's eyes widened at the admission. He stared at Miyuki, once again speechless. This…he never would have expected this. His insides trembled; in fear or thrilled anticipation he didn't know. Maybe a bit of both.

"R…really?" he asked, hating how insecure and vulnerable sounded. But he was vulnerable; he had already offered Miyuki his heart on a silver platter, hadn't he? But Miyuki didn't seem bothered by that at all. He smiled, all soft edges instead of sharp smirks.

"Yeah."

The dam inside Eijun broke and he smiled – a real smile, wide and sunny. He closed the gap between the two of them, hesitating a bit before he looked up at Miyuki. He was sure his face was burning. "Can…can I kiss you?"

Kazuya absurdly wanted to laugh at Eijun's unusually timid demeanour but he held himself back. Instead he smirked at him. "Don't ask, idiot."

And then he leaned forward, bridging the rest of the small space separating them until their lips touched. Their faces were squished together a bit awkwardly, their lips were chapped and as far as kissing technique went it wasn't great. But it was bubbling warmth, happiness, hope and love. It was perfect.

Eijun watches the world go by in blurred streaks of colour; he briefly recognises trees and a valley with fields until they've gone past. The radio is playing quietly, the motor of the car barely making a sound. His left hand is lying on top of his leg, clasped in Kazuya's right. He's absentmindedly rubbing small circles with his thumb into the back of Eijun's hand, glancing over at him every so often.

It's been about a week since Eijun's treatment period ended and, as predicted, he has lost his hair. It started happening around week four of chemotherapy and it wasn't pretty; Eijun started panicking even though he realised this would happen. Kuramochi was there and brought a razor so all the hair would be gone in one go instead of in patches. Out of the options Eijun had that was the most preferable one. He still cried that afternoon and broke down over text when talking to Kazuya later. He fell asleep that night, feeling miserable and woke to the sight of a dozing Kazuya sitting beside him and a familiar baseball cap with faded black marker on the inside in his hand.

Eijun reaches up with his free hand to adjust the cap; he's wearing a bandana underneath since his head gets cold without enough coverage. He's still watching their surroundings breeze past them, the sunset painting the summery landscape in shades of red, pink and gold. Eijun turns to look at Kazuya.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Kazuya answers mysteriously, smiling as he keeps his eyes on the road. Eijun rolls his eyes at that.

"C'mon, just tell me. We've been driving for hours!"

"So impatient. You sound like a kid." Kazuya teases him, smirking at him in that familiar way which still manages to make him feel irritation.

"Yeah, well, you're treating me like one."

A sharp, tense silence ensues, quickly destroying the peaceful atmosphere from before. Kazuya sighs. It's a sad, defeated sound.

"Eijun…"

"I'm sorry," Eijun hastily interrupts, squeezing Kazuya's hand. _Forgive me?_

Kazuya doesn't hesitate, squeezing back. _Always_.

The rest of the ride continues in silence, not as easy as before. It feels heavier, but not tense. The trees outside become less and less as the road becomes steeper. Eijun realises they're driving up a mountain. He furrows his eyebrows in thought as he tries to come up with possible destinations but draws a blank.

"Where are we going?" he repeats, sounding more intrigued than whiny this time.

But Kazuya only smiles again as they follow up a path winding around the mountain like a spiral. "You'll see."

A few minutes later they pull into a parking lot covered in white gravel, a small, nondescript building beside it. Kazuya gets out first and goes to get something from the trunk. Eijun sinks into his seat, chewing his lip. He hates what comes next. He hates it because it makes him feel weak, weaker than he already is and he can't do anything about it.

Then Kazuya comes to the door on his side, reaching for the handle but Eijun gets to it before he can and pushes it open. He's still strong enough for that. Eijun stares at the foldable wheelchair with distaste. He has nothing against wheelchairs in general but this one stands for everything that's gone wrong.

Kazuya pushes the wheelchair as close to the car as he can, holding it in place as he watches Eijun struggle into it. It makes him ache to see him like this, but after trying to help the first few times he's learned to let Eijun do it by himself. He understands now that it's more a matter of pride and wanting to hide weakness. But as Eijun finally settles into the wheelchair, Kazuya thinks that he's never known a stronger person than Eijun and he thinks he may never again.

 _No. Stop_. He blinks away the tears threatening to come up. It's been happening more and more often lately. _You've got a plan for today and crying isn't included._

Kazuya pushes the wheelchair close to the edge of the parking lot, allowing for a breath taking view from the top of the mountain into the valley and greenery stretching on for miles. It's already an incredible sight but the sunset sets off the colours and lends it something magical as it illuminates flecks of dust in the air, turning them into gold.

They both just stare for a few minutes, once again settling into comfortable silence. Kazuya lays one hand on Eijun's shoulder who reaches up automatically and intertwines their hands, not even thinking about it. Eijun feels light underneath his fingers and Kazuya swallows the lump in his throat. _Not now_. He reaches into his back pocket with his free hand.

Just about as Eijun wants to ask what they're doing here, because even though the view is very nice, he thinks there must be another reason why they've come to a place they've never been to before, Kazuya's other hand comes up. His warmth cocoons him from behind as Kazuya leans forward until his face is hovering right next to Eijun's. Kazuya takes their intertwined hands and leads them to his other hand. It's balled together, hiding something. Then it opens and Eijun is gaping.

It's a ring.

More specifically, a plain gold band, polished to shiny perfection and when Eijun looks closer, he can see a tiny inscription on the inside which says ' _My Catcher'_.

Before Eijun can ask what the hell's going on, Kazuya speaks.

"Marry me?"

Kazuya is sure he's never felt this nervous in his whole life, not even when they had try outs for their current baseball team and _that_ was nerve-wracking. He tensely waits for Eijun to say something who has gone stiff in his loose embrace.

Eijun is speechless. It's a talent only Kazuya has, being able to shut him up on regular basis. He never, not in a million years, would have expected him to do something like this. Yes, they've been together for a long time but somehow the topic of marriage never came up. He immediately starts to think of all the reasons why he shouldn't say 'yes' but all he wants to do is think of the reasons he _should_.

Eijun only has this life.

Finally, after what seems like forever, Eijun turns his head until their noses are almost touching. There's a bright grin on his face.

"Don't ask, idiot." Eijun says, amber eyes warm and voice soft. _Yes_.

Kazuya feels an equally bright grin bloom on his face and they both lean toward each other at the same time. They kiss just as the sun disappears beyond the horizon.

It turns out there's another reason Kazuya has driven them up a mountain in the middle of nowhere. The nondescript building is actually a tiny chapel, apparently not very well-known but maintained regularly. Eijun can't believe his eyes when Kazuya pushes him inside and sees an elderly man standing at the altar, smiling pleasantly. He turns to look up at Kazuya in amazement.

"Did you arrange this?" he asks in disbelief, gazing around the rest of the small building before it comes back to rest on Kazuya's face.

"Of course. You don't think priests patiently stand at the altar every day, waiting for random couples to come in, do you?" Kazuya answers, laughter in his eyes as he smirks down at Eijun. Eijun sticks out his tongue as Kazuya pushes him down the aisle.

Then the implication of all this strikes him, all at once, and he looks at Kazuya in shock. Admittedly, he's slow, but this is just –

"Wait, you mean _now_?"

"'Now' what?" Kazuya frowns in confusion, then huffs out a breath of air when Eijun abruptly puts on the brakes, making him bump into the back of the wheelchair unexpectedly. He looks down, annoyed and meets Eijun's glare, amber eyes blazing. His stomach does a weird swooping motion when his eyes are fooled into recognising the fiery, loudmouthed boy he met at Seidou all those years ago.

"Proposing, okay, but actually marrying? Like, right now?" Eijun clarifies, gesturing with his hands to emphasise his point. He spots a huge bouquet of flowers next to the altar and swallows. He suddenly feels the need to cry.

"Hey, hey." Kazuya hastily kneels in front of Eijun when he sees tears starting to roll down his cheeks. He reaches up, framing his face with both of his hands as he gently uses his thumbs to wipe them away. "What's wrong?"

Eijun doesn't know. He's happy, but also confused, scared and guilty. He searches Kazuya's worried gaze, anchoring himself. "I…I don't know. What if this is a huge mistake? You know I'm –"

Kazuya shuts him up with a kiss. He swallows the sobs rising in Eijun's throat. They part moments later, looking into each other's eyes as their foreheads lean against one another. The priest remains tactfully silent, quietly looking over the papers in his hand.

"You don't want to marry me after all?" Kazuya tries to make it sound like a joke, but there's an undercurrent of fear which he can't hide from Eijun after all these years. His heart drops into his stomach when Eijun shakes his head.

"No, I do. I," Eijun turns a lovely shade of red, something Kazuya hasn't seen in a long time. "I want nothing more."

 _I wish I could spend the rest of my forever with you._

He looks like he wants to continue so Kazuya gently prompts him. "Then what's the problem?"

"I am."

Kazuya's eyebrows rise in a silent question.

Eijun elaborates, "We both know I'm not…" he chokes, "…not going to make it."

"No, we don't." Kazuya argues, voice rising a little but Eijun doesn't back down, eyes fixed on him, sad and serious.

"We do." he says, defeated. Amber eyes once again fill with tears. "I don't want to go. Not like this." Eijun bows his head, hands gripping the armrests on his wheelchair tightly. Tears colour patches on his jeans dark. Kazuya can't do anything but watch, not doing anything to stop his own tears from coming. "I don't want to leave you."

"Then don't."

Eijun looks up at the softly spoken request. Kazuya's eyes meet his steadily, mirroring the shine of tears in his. He reaches for the hand which now displays the ring and kisses it gently, not leaving him out of his sight. Kazuya stands and lets go of Eijun's hand, stepping closer to the altar. He offers his own hand to Eijun. It looks like Kazuya's asking him to dance. "If we marry, we'll be together forever."

 _Our forever._

There's nothing Eijun can say to that. So he nods tentatively and takes his hand.

And somewhere in the background he swears he can hear their song play as they marry in a tiny chapel, hidden away from the rest of the world on top of a mountain


	4. This is a feeling I've never felt

**This is a feeling I've never felt, but it's all about us (Take it in, feel it all and hold it)** _ **  
**_

 _Lovers dance when they're feeling in love  
Spotlight shining, it's all about us  
It's all about us  
and every heart in the room will melt,  
this is a feeling I've never felt but  
it's all about us_

 _I'm not afraid, anymore  
I'm not afraid_

 _It's not your fault love,  
You didn't know, you didn't know_

 _Stay with me until I fall asleep  
Stay with me_

* * *

"Strike! Batter out!"

The crowd cheered, raising their voices and standing as if they were a single, monstrous organism, about to attack. "Seidou, Seidou, Seidou!"

Eijun was stunned, still in his post pitching pose. The crowd's noise was deafening in his ears as he stared at the billboard announcing the final game's score in bright lights.

 _Yakushi - 3  
Seidou – 4_

A disbelieving grin started to spread across his face; he wasn't even ashamed of the tears of joy trickling down his face.

They'd done it. They were going to Koshien.

"Ei-chan!" Haruichi's voice called out from behind him, exhilaration clear and when Eijun turned to look he saw the petite second baseman beam widely, cheeks wet from tears which stemmed from covered eyes. Furuya was right behind him, quiet as ever but a small smile on his face, closely followed by Tojo and Okumura. Tojo was grinning and Okumura wasn't but both held awe in their eyes as they looked up at the billboard. Eijun could relate; it felt too much like a dream after they had failed to go to Koshien again last year.

Eijun received a hard thump on the back from Kanemaru. The usually frowning boy had euphoria written all over his features, teeth glinting. "It's all thanks to you, Ace!"

Furuya twitched behind him and Eijun could honestly say that this was one of the happiest moments of his life so far. But even so he felt sympathy for his fellow pitcher. It had been a long and drawn out competition between them and in the end it may very well have been down to luck that Eijun had earned the number '1' on his back. Furuya possibly hated him but Eijun couldn't conjure up more than their usual sense of rivalry and deep respect for him.

"No, it's not." Eijun replied, knowing exactly who the thanks should rightfully go to. He looked around him, face serious even though they had just won the biggest game in their school career. Sensing this, the players currently on the field surrounding him stopped chattering, giving him their undivided attention while the crowd still went wild. "It's all thanks to you guys. Without you, there's no team and just a single player can't win a team sport by themselves. We came together as first years and we finally fulfilled the dream we had ever since then. I –"

Eijun could feel himself choke up. This wasn't what he had thought winning finals would be like. He bowed deeply, much to the surprise of his teammates. His shoulders shook with sobs when he managed to shout out, "Thank you! Thanks to you, I've been able to improve as much as I have and can continue playing even now!"

His usual loudness and dramatic speech broke up the expectant and tense atmosphere. His teammates laughed and got him to straighten up, grinning as they went back to the dugout. They were touched, yes, but also just a bit relieved when they saw Eijun wipe his face clean of tears and let his trademark grin shine through. In the dugout they were greeted by their replacement players, coach Kataoka and Takashima, excited chatter filling the air. Takashima discreetly wiped away her tears and even Kataoka allowed himself a small, proud smile at the sight of his exhausted, but happily grinning team.

"Well done." was all he said but it made all of them stand up a bit straighter in pride, grinning and fist bumping each other. What followed was a blur of congratulations, the receiving of a symbolic flag and more tears. It didn't feel quite real yet. Eijun felt like he was walking on clouds as the whole Seidou team stepped out of the stadium. Most of them were bone-tired but too pumped up to sleep as they prepared to get on their bus. Eijun barely even paid any attention to where they were going though, craning his neck to hopefully catch sight of –

"Oi, where're you guys going? Forgot we came to watch, didya?!"

They all turned as one, seeing Isashiki standing there as he tried to scowl but failed, a true, honest grin on his face. Behind him, the rest of the 'third years' and 'second years', as Eijun would always remember them, were gathered, each showing varying degrees of emotion but all of them proud. Yuuki, similar to the coach, only smiled slightly but his eyes were just a bit too red to pass as normal, Masuko was full on crying, Nii-san eyes were closed like always but his smile looked genuine instead of menacing for once. Even Tanba, Kawakami and Chris were there, the first two nodding with tears in their eyes while the latter shot Eijun a proud smile.

"Beard-senpai!" Eijun called out, grin only growing wider when Isashiki scowled for real.

"Don't call me that, squirt! You're just jealous 'cause you can't grow one!"

"Hmm, well, I don't think he should be. I much prefer his face as it is now." Miyu - _Kazuya_ stood with Kuramochi and Nii-san, smirking at Isashiki when he turned puce coloured and then winked at Eijun. He felt like he was going to explode from embarrassment, annoyance and a warm, squirmy feeling somewhere in his stomach region which felt much too sappy to be healthy. The team behind him stayed silent with some occasional awkward coughs thrown in.

"Yeah, yeah, we all know that you two finally stopped being stupid. Well, one of you." Kuramochi amended, a clear jab at Eijun who opened his mouth to protest but then closed it again as his face went a bright red, when Kuramochi added, "Get a room."

"Maybe we will." Mi - _Kazuya_ replied smoothly, openly leering at Eijun now who honestly wanted to punch him. But he contented himself with the knowledge that Kazuya was mostly talk and no…bite. It had been just over a month since they had attended the wedding, but that had been enough time for the two of them to start getting used to their new relationship and all it entailed. And that included all the things teenage boys thought about because, well, they were. It turned out that both of them had a lot unrelieved pressure from pent up emotion. Though seeing Kuramochi's slightly pained expression made Eijun feel a bit sorry for him; after all, he was the one who put up with the two of them whenever Eijun came over. "How about you lend us yours?"

"Wait, what?"

Kazuya said nothing, smirking as he waited for the penny to drop. Youichi's eyes narrowed. _Bingo_.

"Are you seriously kicking me out?" Kuramochi's eyes bugged out of his head as he gaped at Kazuya's smug face and the following nod, then glared at Eijun. "Just so you know, there are some new wrestling moves I've been wanting to try, _so don't get any funny thoughts_."

Eijun smiled nervously, sweat building up on his back at the expression. Translation: _If I catch you doing shit on my bed again, you're so dead._ In his defense, Kazuya had started it that time but that hadn't calmed Kuramochi down in the slightest.

"No offense, but you two are sickening." Nii-san added dryly. "Not that we didn't see it coming from a mile away, but still."

"We weren't that obvious!"

"You kind of were, Ei-chan." Haruichi's timid voice spoke up. Eijun turned to him with wide eyes. The other other team members either nodded solemnly or looked away in embarrassment.

"I agree with Haruichi and Nii-san." Furuya added, voice calm. Eijun wasn't the only one staring at him in astonishment. If anyone here was oblivious to the world except when it came to baseball, it was the other third year pitcher.

"Traitors! All of you!" Eijun yelped. "I trusted you, we're on a team! I thought we were friends! And now you're taking the senpais' side?"

"Senpai, you're embarrassing yourself." Okumura said monotonously, reminding Eijun way too much of another player on the team.

"I'm not your friend." Furuya threw in, feeling the need to clarify. As Eijun raged on about their "lack of team spirit and loyalty", they relaxed, going into their default mood of ignoring his antics as they finally got on the bus.

"Bakamura, shut up. They're going to leave without you." Kazuya told Eijun, nodding in the direction of the waiting bus. "We got special permission to come back to campus, so I'll see you there, yeah?"

Eijun looked at the bus thoughtfully, then back at Kazuya, his grin just a bit too mischievous to be entirely innocent. "How about I ride in the car with you?"

"Oh, for the love of-!" Youichi exclaimed, having watched the exchange with a twitching brow. He threw his hands up in the air, looking over at Ryousuke pleadingly. He nodded once, his smile chilly. Kuramochi shot the two of them a nasty look. "I'll just take myself out of the danger zone and go with Ryou. See ya on campus."

Kazuya gulped as the grin on Eijun's face became more pronounced, feeling an impending sense of doom as he waved to the rest of the group and led his boyfriend to his and Youichi's shared car. Once they were out of sight, he felt a pinch on his butt and yelped, clapping his hands over his mouth as his eyes darted around for any onlookers. Seeing none, Kazuya glared at Eijun but all he got were wide amber eyes and a far too innocent smile in return.

Eijun likes to look at Kazuya. It sounds creepy and if he knew he'd probably get made fun of for the unforeseeable future which is why Eijun's never told him. But it doesn't make it any less true. He could stare at Kazuya for forever and never get bored, tracing the sharp lines of his eyebrows down to his straight nose, those perfectly shaped cupid bow lips, his ridiculously even jawline. It's no wonder he used to be nicknamed 'Pretty Boy Catcher'.

But those are also things everyone can easily see and Eijun finds much more interesting things to look at, little things that reveal that Kazuya does have flaws, like that small white scar on the bridge of his nose which is usually hidden beneath his glasses or the smattering of small moles on the back of his neck which always reminds Eijun of a constellation of stars. There's another scar on Kazuya's left side of his ribcage, a remnant of when he got injured during a game back in Eijun's first year at Seidou. There are more things, like Kazuya's hard to tame bedhead, how he's unable to straighten out his right arm completely so that even if he tries, it always looks a little bent or how one of his teeth is slightly chipped and one molar tooth in the back is missing. There are plenty of these tics but they make Kazuya perfect in his imperfection.

Eijun likes to watch Kazuya when he talks, falling back into using peculiar gestures that may seem weird to anyone else but are normal and unconscious to him and Eijun has fallen in love with right along everything else that's simply Kazuya. But perhaps the times when Eijun likes to watch him the best are when Kazuya thinks no one's looking, like when he's humming to himself in the kitchen while he cooks, when he frowns down at the notes he makes when analysing an opposing team or like now when they're both peacefully lying in bed and Kazuya is reading with a concentrated look on his face. All his muscles are completely relaxed, only his eyes giving away how focused he is as they move across the page intently. It's peaceful and quiet, accompanied by the occasional sound of fluttering pages.

"Hey, Kazuya."

Kazuya looks up from the book he's reading, seeing Eijun's eyes fixed on him. The emotion in them is unfathomable but there's a soft smile on his lips. He's looking much better now; there are barely any traces of the chemotherapy visible anymore. He looks stronger, not pale or sickly, almost normal and has predictably started to go back to training. His doctor and their coach both warn him to take it easy since his body is only slowly recovering. Eijun denies any problems but he doesn't know that Kazuya catches him every time he hears him wince from joint pains. Even his hair has come back, coarser and with some grey in between but Kazuya doesn't mind one bit even if Eijun complains about it from time to time. He squeezes their intertwined hands laying in between them lightly, smiling back. "Yeah?"

"You know I love you, right?"

The unexpected question catches him off guard and he lays his book aside to give him his full attention. Kazuya pushes up his glasses. "Yeah, I know. Is something wrong?"

Eijun thinks back to a couple of days ago when he had his routine monthly check up with his doctor. He remembers a dull roar in his ears and lines of numbers and percentages on pages blurring together into a wet, hot haze. He still doesn't know if he would have preferred Kazuya to have been there with him or if he's relieved that he was too busy at practice.

"I just felt like saying it." Eijun dismisses, shrugging it off. Then he lifts their linked hands. "Our first anniversary's coming up, isn't it?"

Kazuya watches the soft light from the lamp on his nightstand reflect off the gold rings on their fingers and nods. He can't believe it's been almost a year since they got married on that lonely mountain top, since Eijun has been diagnosed with and treated for cancer, since Kazuya has had to face the possibility of losing him forever. _But I don't have to anymore. Eijun's still here_.

"Hmm, it is." Kazuya agrees, tightening his grip a bit which makes Eijun smile wider. He shifts closer to him, using his free hand to cup Kazuya's face and kisses him. Kazuya's other hand comes up to curl around the back of Eijun's neck automatically, deepening the kiss. It's unhurried and languid, continuing for a while longer and reminiscent of lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed, of comfortable warmth and light-hearted banter over their well-loved debate on if coffee has a right to be called a beverage or if it's just tar marketed as a hot drink. It's comforting and familiar and it makes Kazuya happier than ever to have this piece of normalcy back.

He's the first one to pull back, a bit surprised when Eijun chases his lips though it isn't unwelcome. There's an urgency and desperation present in Eijun that wasn't there before when he starts kissing Kazuya again. It's not unwelcome, but it is a bit unsettling.

Kazuya turns his head sideways, breath hitching when all that motion does is cause Eijun to pepper his face with light kisses which he continues trailing down his throat, warm hands slipping underneath his t-shirt. Kazuya manages to stutter out, "W-what's this for?"

"Does there have to be a reason?" Eijun answers him with another question, then stops momentarily to look up at Kazuya, a spark of mischief in his eyes and a wicked smile playing around his mouth. "Want me to stop?"

Kazuya swallows. He feels like a teenager again, fluttery sensations in his stomach and all, at that look. In that moment, Eijun looks exactly like he did back when they first got together and turned out to be the more confident and experienced one of the two.

But Kazuya isn't a teenager anymore and so he grins, not letting Eijun get one over him.

"Well, I suppose we never did go on a proper honeymoon, did we?" he quips, smirking. Eijun growls at that and Kazuya laughs at how _normal_ this feels.

Eijun leans back down to kiss away that stupid smirk he hopelessly loves, effectively shutting him up. He puts everything he has and feels into it and hopes that Kazuya won't ask any questions.

Later, when they're both comfortably situated underneath the blankets and pressed against one another with their arms around each other's waists, Eijun settles his head on Kazuya's chest. He listens to his erratic heartbeat as it starts to slow down and feels Kazuya lean up a bit to softly kiss his hair.

"I love you too, you know." he echoes Eijun's words from earlier. Eijun doesn't say anything in reply; he just presses a kiss to Kazuya's chest and lays his head down again, listening to Kazuya's lungs expand and empty with each breath until it evens out. Only when Eijun is sure that he's asleep does he let himself cry.

When Eijun first gets told, he spends the day talking with his doctor and what kinds of treatments there are. She even arranged an appointment with the doctor who first administered chemotherapy to him, Youichi's mentor, and they met him at the hospital earlier today.

It's a building Eijun has never wanted to step foot into again under these circumstances and he just manages to stop his mind from wondering what he would do if Youchi saw him there again.

They sit together, discussing Eijun's blood test results and what other methods there are besides chemotherapy that would work better. He gets told that a bone marrow transplant would work best, a strongly recommended treatment. But the catch is that the donor's system has to be compatible with Eijun's; of course, he asks his parents who immediately agree to get tested.

Eijun wants to hope. He wants to believe that it will work the second time around, that he can recover completely and finally get back to pitching – oh, how he misses pitching in official games - , that it will all go away so he can go back to the life he's had with Kazuya for the last few months. He wants the glimpse of their forever he's gotten by now. He doesn't want to leave, not yet, not ever.

Kazuya surveyed the bare floor and walls, numerous boxes strewn across the apartment. He heard a rustling noise from the kitchen and turned his head to see Eijun fiddling with something on the counter. _Eijun_. A warm feeling of contentedness went through him at the thought; Kazuya liked that he could call him by his first name without it being strange.

"Bakamura, what're you doing?"

But some things stuck. He smirked widely when Eijun turned around with an annoyed look on his face and an accusing finger pointed at him. "Stop calling me that!"

"Never."

The smug tone made Eijun squirm. "I thought couples are supposed to be nice to each other, but you're still an asshole."

"Why, thank you." Kazuya replied flippantly, turning back to get started on unpacking one of their boxes. He grinned at the enraged, familiar remark yelled at him from behind.

"That wasn't a compliment!"

Eijun pressed the play button on his phone which was connected the stereo. He had spent the last few minutes plugging it all in correctly (why did there have to be so many chords anyway?) and smiled at the familiar tune coming out of the loudspeakers. He set the device down on the otherwise bare counter and joined Kazuya in the living room. He was unpacking a box full of cooking utensils, some of which Eijun only knew of because Kazuya knew how to and liked to cook. Eijun reached out to touch some kind of stainless steel contraption and got a light slap on his hand in return.

"That's fragile. Don't touch it, you might break it." Kazuya shot him another irritating smirk so Eijun knew he was joking (sort of) and he drew back with a pout, crossing his arms.

"Remind me why I agreed to move in with you again? All you do is insult me."

Eijun didn't need the reminder, he honestly hadn't even thought twice about his answer when Kazuya had asked, but he wanted to hear what his boyfriend would say.

Kazuya's smirk softened to a smile at Eijun's pout. He found it cute, if annoying sometimes, and that was when he had first realised just how utterly and completely doomed he was. How utterly, completely, _stupidly_ in love he was with this idiot. It was a discovery which was only a few weeks old and he still hadn't told him.

Kazuya also knew how backward this was, asking to move in before dropping the L-word, but when had they ever been normal? Really, they had their own 'normal' and he liked it.

Then he heard a few familiar notes float into the room coming from the kitchen. He turned his head in astonishment and then grinned again when he recognised the song.

"I didn't know you were such a romantic." he teased Eijun who flushed in response. Kazuya set aside the pot he had been unwrapping and stood in one fluid motion. He offered Eijun a hand up. "Want to dance?"

Eijun gaped at the offered hand; he had expected the teasing but not necessarily this. He just thought it would make a nice background hum while they unpacked. He absolutely did not do it because it hearing it made him all gooey inside and thought it would be a nice thing to introduce one of their firsts to their newest 'first', their apartment together. But Eijun smiled up at Kazuya, taking the offered hand.

It wasn't a dance like the time at the wedding. It was far less nerve-wracking and much more relaxed, less pressured and more…just more, better because it was just the two of them. There was no hurry, no expectancy to do well or suits that pinched in places they shouldn't.

Toward the end of the song, both their arms had sunk down into a loose embrace, Kazuya's head on Eijun's shoulder as they slowed down in time with the music. During the last few bars Kazuya lifted his head, coming close to Eijun's face but went right past it. Eijun was momentarily disappointed, having hoped he would get a kiss. Then lips hovered right next his ear and nearly sighed words flowed out of them along with warm breath.

The song was starting to draw to a close and Kazuya's heart picked up in speed. _This is it_. And unlike during the reception, he wasn't nervous at all. He was immeasurably calm, once again realising the depth of his feelings for the boy – young man, really – in his arms.

So he raised his head and turned his face to the side, whispering three words into Eijun's ear.

"I love you."

Kazuya was slightly alarmed when he felt Eijun freeze and pulled back to look at him properly. He frowned, genuinely worried now. Maybe he was a bit scared after all. "Sorry, did I do-"

"I love you too." The words rushed out of Eijun's mouth before he could stop him, the gooey feeling turning into golden bubbles of joy. His face split into a wide smile and he could see the relief Kazuya's in his eyes, his mouth starting to form a familiar smirk. "Oh no, you don't."

Before Kazuya could say anything else, Eijun pressed his mouth to his and he melted into the kiss. They parted for a second during which Eijun mumbled "Can't let you ruin the moment, jerk" against his lips before continuing what they started. Kazuya didn't mind one bit.

Eijun carries the news around with him for a solid two weeks by the end of which his doctor gets in the blood test results and tells him his options. They aren't good and he sees himself forced to tell Kazuya.

Kazuya comes home to a silent apartment and at first he isn't alarmed. He just assumes that Eijun is still out training (he should really listen to what his doctor and coach tell him, that idiot), so he unhurriedly takes off his shoes and coat, hand already reaching into his pocket to get his phone out and send him a message. He leaves it where it is when he hears Eijun calling to him from the living room. Kazuya frowns, curiosity piqued and ignoring that small flutter of panic in his chest at hearing the solemn tone in his voice.

He cautiously enters the living room, seeing a tuft of dark hair stick out from the couch. The light is on, leaving the room brightly illuminated but there's no noise from the turned off TV or music from the radio. The lights may as well be off with how dark the atmosphere seems. Eijun sits up and for a moment Kazuya thinks he'll jump up with his usual energy and greet him with a grin and a kiss. But he doesn't do any of those things, just gesturing at him to come closer, face drawn and closed off. The flutter of panic becomes more solid now, like a storm of glass shards cutting him from the inside out.

Kazuya drops down into the couch beside Eijun, draping an arm around shoulders and kissing him on the temple. "Hey. Are you alright?"

He really hopes that Eijun will just smile and nod, retorting with an "Of course" but he isn't as surprised as he should be when Eijun shakes his head. An icy claw of fear grabs at his insides and Kazuya swallows. "No. I'm not."

It's clear that Eijun is struggling with what he wants to say, his mouth opening and closing as he tries to formulate his thoughts. In the end, he presses his lips together and the sudden shininess in his eyes turns into silent tears.

There's no way Eijun can do this gently; it will hurt either way. So he swallows once, heavily, and takes a deep breath in preparation. He meets Kazuya's worried gaze straight on and takes one of his hands in both of his. Eijun lets the words tumble of out his mouth, feeling like it's a stranger saying it.

"The cancer came back."

The next weeks blend together in a blur of more blood tests, more compatibility tests for the transplant after it turned out that Eijun's parents weren't compatible enough as well as stress and a disproportionate amount of arguments and fights between Kazuya and Eijun which more often than not end up in shouting and tears only to be made up for later by soft, fragile apologies and touches.

Then Eijun starts his second round of chemotherapy despite being warned of the risks in his current state and the looming threat of it possibly shortening his lifespan instead of extending it. He's not giving up and if there's even a small chance that he can recover fully, he will take it.

Youichi can only watch as this all unfolds. He helps wherever he can, making sure Eijun is as comfortable as possible while he's receiving treatment again. He's there for Kazuya when Eijun's feeling too poorly to see anyone or do anything but sleep. The amount of sleep he gets becomes bigger as the treatment stretches on into week 3 until he barely wakes for a handful of hours a day.

Kazuya practically lives at the hospital, wanting to be with Eijun every step of the way this time, especially after getting tested for compatibility himself in the small hope that it would be enough, that he would be enough, but it's not. He can't shake the bad feeling that the treatment isn't working as it should, judging by how fast Eijun is deteriorating now compared to the first time. He tries to calm himself since he knows what side effects chemotherapy has but it doesn't work.

It's sometime during the third week that Eijun's doctor calls on him. He tells Kazuya the dreaded news that while the treatment is working and killing the cancer cells, it's killing the healthy cells faster. The treatment is really poison and it's killing Eijun. There is no cure.

"The patient says he wishes to stop treatment and spend his remaining time out of the hospital." the doctor concludes his report. His voice is calm and his gaze clear, a touch of pity in those dark eyes. Kazuya stayed silent throughout the whole explanation, not really seeing the office he's sitting in. He looks up when the doctor finishes and can only nod. He stands, ready to go back into Eijun's room and wait for him to wake up. The doctor comes with him, accompanying him through quiet, white halls, linoleum floors and a smell Kazuya's come to connect with hospitals. He hates them.

Kazuya pauses before pushing the door to the room open, looking at the doctor with an unreadable expression. He doesn't know what he's supposed to feel anymore. Sometimes there's a hollow space inside his chest which becomes deeper and at the same time too full with raw pain at the thought of losing Eijun. His head is too full and too empty; he can't concentrate anymore and misses more and more practice and the worst part is he doesn't care.

"How long?" Kazuya asks and the doctor gives him a considering look before he answers in a steady, but sympathetic tone.

"About two months. Maybe three."

Kazuya nods, absentmindedly thanking him for the talk and goes inside.

Youichi has heard everything from around the corner; he knows what this is about because he was there when Eijun discussed what he wanted while Kazuya had gone home for some much needed sleep after a lot of persuasion from both of them. Youchi clenches his jaw, hating how tight his chest is and how hard it is to breathe.

Eijun comes home. Without the poison in his system, his sleeping pattern becomes more regular again though he's still tired a lot of the time. Upon Kazuya's insistence that he should just sleep when he's tired, Eijun just shakes his head.

"I'm not going to wake up one day soon. I want to be awake for as long as I can."

It makes Kazuya tear up but he can't say anything to that.

They both change; Eijun becomes a lot quieter, his smiles turn from being like the sun to the soft glow of a night lamp glinting off of gold. He's taken to wearing his cap again. Kazuya feels more fragile than he has in a long, long time and is constantly crying. He tries to hide it as much as he can but somehow Eijun always seem to be there to comfort him. It doesn't make it any easier, especially when he thinks that it should be the other way around.

They try to dance, once, but it ends up with Kazuya carrying most of Eijun's disturbingly light weight since he loses control of his legs. This time, Eijun is the one who starts to cry as Kazuya carries him to bed. He's trembling all over and winces when Kazuya gently, gently deposits him on the mattress. He lies down beside him and Eijun curls into his chest.

"It hurts." he chokes and Kazuya feels the all too familiar sensation of his heart squeezing painfully in his chest. He drops a soft kiss on Eijun's head and gets up to get the pain medication Eijun has gotten prescribed as well as some water. He helps him take it since Eijun's shaking from pain induced tremors so much that he can't hold the glass properly. Kazuya is, for once, successful in holding back his tears and lets Eijun pillow his head on Kazuya's chest as they lie down again.

"Why didn't you say anything earlier, bakamura? You didn't have to force yourself to dance." Kazuya gently reprimands him, but his tone is too quiet to sound stern. It's the only way he can hide the tightness in his voice.

Eijun smiles at hearing the nickname; he hasn't heard that in a while. He can feel the medication start to work. The pain is numbing but so are his senses; they make him drowsy. "I wanted to."

The room settles into silence, the playlist from the kitchen still playing and drifting into the open door of their room softly. Kazuya realises after a few minutes that their song is on loop and he leans down to give Eijun a soft kiss. It's short and barely more than a touch of lips but it makes Eijun smile.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

There's another short silence until Eijun speaks up again.

"C-can you stay awake until I fall asleep?" he asks, voice small but not weak, not afraid, just lonely. Kazuya stares straight ahead, up at the ceiling as he tries to blink away tears but some spill over and run down the sides of his face. He takes Eijun's hand in his and intertwines their fingers until their rings rest next to each other.

"Y-yeah, of course." he says coarsely after failing to find his voice a couple of times. Eijun closes his eyes and brings their linked hands up to his mouth where he presses Kazuya's to his lips, sighing a quiet "Thank you".

It seems like forever and not long enough when Eijun's breath evens out. Kazuya lets the gentle rhythm lull him to sleep but he's startled awake when he's just on the verge of falling asleep himself. He blinks, disoriented and looks down. Eijun's head is still a warm weight on his chest, the hair tickling him lightly underneath his chin. But as he subtly tries to move, Kazuya notices and he stops, staring down at their linked hands. Their rings glow a dull gold in the soft light, but he can't feel the puff of air from Eijun's soft breathing anymore.

Kazuya falls back into the mattress, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears come hot and fast now. He hugs Eijun to his chest, not bothering to hide his crying and shuddering gasps of air as he tries to draw in breath.

A subtle breeze steals through the apartment, strange since no windows or doors are open, but Kazuya doesn't bother to check. The breeze caresses his face gently, there and gone before he can comprehend its presence. It comes through like a quiet sigh, like hot summer nights spent on baseball fields, loud laughter and a smile like sunshine.

 _Thank you for our forever._


End file.
